Have you ever been told you’re “too direct”? For many women in leadership, this feedback can sting. You’re trying to be clear, efficient, and assertive—but somehow, it’s not landing well.
I've heard this feedback countless times from the women I work with, and frankly, it can feel confusing! Most of us intuitively know that direct communication is a good thing, so why are you being told you're “too direct”?
Because this theme has come up over and over again, I thought it was the perfect topic to tackle in today's newsletter.
The challenge is balancing your natural strength of directness with the need to adapt to your audience.
So today, I'm going to share some tips for handling this feedback from a mindset perspective, along with four communication tips you can use to communicate directly and effectively.
Let's dive in….
The feedback “You're too direct” is often code for, “Your communication style isn’t meeting my expectations,” which can feel frustrating and even unfair. It's common for us to react emotionally to hearing this, by either shutting down or dismissing the feedback completely.
But let's face it, neither of those is serving you.
Here are some tips to help you handle this feedback with grace and maintain your leadership presence:
Mindset Tips
- Reframe the Feedback Instead of seeing “too direct” as a criticism, view it as an opportunity to refine your communication. You’re not losing your strength—you’re making it even more effective.
- Remember Your Value Direct communication is a strength. It shows confidence and clarity, both of which are crucial in leadership. Don’t let the feedback shake your belief in your capabilities.
- Consider the Source Who is giving you this feedback? Do they have a valid point, or is it rooted in bias or discomfort with female assertiveness? Use discernment to decide how much weight to give their perspective.
Communication Tips
The goal here is NOT to start communicating less directly, or use your voice less. Instead, consider how you can communicate in a way that is both direct and kind. Here are some tips that will help you do this:
- Lead with Empathy Start conversations by acknowledging the other person’s perspective. For example, “I know this project is important to you, so I want to be clear about the timeline.” This sets a collaborative tone.
- Use “I” Statements Frame your points with ownership to soften directness. For example, instead of “This won’t work,” try, “I’m concerned this approach might not achieve the outcome we want.”
- Pause Before Responding Give yourself a moment to consider your tone and choice of words. A thoughtful pause can help you adjust your delivery and ensure your message is both clear and approachable.
- Ask “How” and “What” Questions Try to avoid “Why” questions, as they can lead people to feel attacked, and rephrase them as “How” or “What” questions instead. For example, instead of “Why did you prepare the report that way?” try, “What was the strategy around preparing the report this way?” or “How did you come up with this reporting method?”. “How” and “What” questions feel more open and collaborative.
Direct communication is a hallmark of strong leaders, but the most impactful leaders know how to tailor their approach to their audience so they don't jeopardize creating connection, which is also important for great leadership. When you master this balance, you’ll not only retain your edge—you’ll enhance your influence.
If this is a challenge you’re working through, you’re not alone. In my Own Your Seat at the Table program, we dive deep into communication strategies like this, so you can lead with confidence, composure, and credibility.
Check out the PS to learn more about how we can help you refine your communication style and accelerate your path to the executive suite.
Until next time friends… ✌️💜
Katy
PS. The Own Your Seat at the Table group program is SOLD OUT. So excited to be working with 40 amazing women on their exec leadership journeys!
If you want early access to the Spring cohort, you can book a call with my team here.
