There’s something we don’t talk about, and we should.

Men in leadership tend to have a great network of peers that they also call friends. They hang out and play golf. They grab a drink after work. They go for lunch together and talk shop.

On the other hand, many women are often the ‘only’:

The only woman on the leadership team, and the only leader or executive in their friend group.

Sound familiar?

This matters. Not only does it feel lonely and isolating to do it all on your own, but it also creates a real disadvantage as a leader.

If you’re silently nodding yes, then this newsletter is for you. Today I want to unpack this topic, because it’s more important than you may think.

Let’s dive in…

The reality of being the ‘only’

Most of you are giving it your all at work and then going home to take care of everyone else. You coach your teams, but no one coaches you. You mentor women behind you, but have no one to talk through that impossible work situation with.

And in the evenings, you’re too busy getting dinner on the table, driving kids to soccer practice or helping with homework to even think about researching a local networking event.

I remember this all too well! Building my career in Biotech and Tech, I was often the only woman at the table, and I had no women mentors or sponsors to help show me the way. I was supporting the women behind me, but no one was supporting me.

Most of my good friends either worked for the government, were teachers or stay-at-home moms, so although they loved me, they just couldn’t relate to my job!

I knew a couple of women who were also climbing the ladder in Biotech. I remember sending a group text to two female friends, asking them if they’d want to get together once a month and just talk shop. Share our struggles and challenges and help one another.

In retrospect, I was craving a peer group. And guess what? They said NO!

I wish I were kidding! They told me they had zero interest in talking about work outside of work. So there I remained, on my little island.

And let’s be honest, it’s freaking lonely there!

Not only that, but not having a peer network is a strategic disadvantage, because peer networks give leaders an edge. When you have an opportunity to talk about challenges, complex problems you’re trying to solve, or just to vent in a safe space, you get to show up as a better leader.

You get other people’s input on that challenging staff member and real-world advice on that problem you’ve been trying to solve for months.

Some of the best ideas come from organic conversations that happen outside of meetings.

Meanwhile, most of the women I know are trying to solve it all on their own. Talk about a disadvantage!

Why do men get this advantage? Can’t we just join their group?

The ‘affinity bias’ says we tend to like people like us. And because most of the leadership team is made up of men, they tend to organically have this network of peers and friends.

Yes, you can try to join them on the golf course, and they may even invite you! The problem is that they often face very different challenges than we do. There are things women have to think about that men rarely do:

  • Dealing with subconscious bias on the team
  • Juggling a leadership career and being the primary parent
  • Working through conditioning to advocate for ourselves or show up more assertively

I had many male colleagues who I really liked and formed great friendships with, but the truth was, they were in a totally different boat than I was. At most of the organizations I worked at, while I was juggling being an executive with managing life as a single mom, the men on the leadership team who had kids all had stay-at-home wives.

All of them!

So while I was juggling everything from strategic initiatives to workplace dynamics with extracurricular activities, managing my household, and trying to get a vegetable into my kids, my male counterparts really only had to focus on their jobs.

And I had no one to talk to about it.

In addition to this, we often had very different leadership styles, so the type of advice they would give me didn’t always land. Most of them believed I should be harder on my team, and I should lead more as they did. That just didn’t feel authentic to me.

So what can we do about this?

In my mind, the answer to this is to create more groups of women leaders supporting one another!

This week we kicked off the January cohort of the Own Your Seat at the Table group program for women who want to land that VP role and thrive in it.

Yes, these women are here to level up and get promoted. But as we closed out session 1, the comments and feedback that they were sharing were about something completely different:

“I realized today that I’m not alone.”

“I’m in the right place. These are my people.”

“I’m so glad that I did this and grateful for this group!”

It was ALL ABOUT community!! Because realizing that you’re not the only one struggling is sometimes exactly what you need.

When I was an EVP, I had an opportunity to join a peer group with other tech executives who were also commercial leaders. It was essentially all men and me, but I still got a ton of value out of being able to share and get advice in this safe space. At that moment, I vowed to create more of these groups in the world.

But I’ve made this even more powerful by creating groups of all women, because we understand one another on a whole other level!!

I’ve been so inspired by this that I’m now launching a mastermind group for women who are already VPs and C-level executives. Because even though you’ve ‘made it’, you probably still feel isolated and would benefit from some support!

And I’ll continue to find ways to bring women together to create this advantage that our male counterparts already have.

If you’re feeling isolated, now’s the time to think about how you can find your people. You can join a group that already exists, or put your own together (hopefully the women you know don’t say no like mine did!).

If you’re already in my community, know that I’m so grateful to have you here, and I look forward to continuing to support you on your journey through leadership.

If you want to get on the waitlist for the next cohort of Own Your Seat at the Table, you can do that here.

And if you’re a VP or C-level executive and you want to learn more about the Women’s Exec Mastermind, we can connect! We are kicking off in February, and I’m in the process of putting this group together.

Regardless of where you end up finding your community, what’s really important is knowing you don’t have to do it alone.

Until next time friends… ✌️💜

Katy