For most of my corporate career, I was the most ambitious woman in every room I was in. And at the time, I wore that like a badge of honour.
I was the one driving the hardest, thinking the biggest, and pushing myself the most. In my friend group, I was the one with the intense corporate job that nobody quite understood. On my leadership team, I was often the only woman.
But that also meant that in most rooms I was in, I didn’t have anyone who could relate to what I was going through or challenge me to think bigger.
I didn’t realize it at the time, but that was a problem. Because when you’re always the most ambitious person in the room, nobody is pulling you forward. You have no one showing you what’s possible beyond where you already are. You’re setting the ceiling for yourself, whether you realize it or not.
I often talk about the experience of attending my first ever mastermind retreat, and how amazing it felt to find people like me – people who cared about doing big things, personal and professional growth and getting better every day.
That experience changed something fundamental in how I thought about my own growth and what I believed I could accomplish. And it’s something I see play out over and over with the women I work with.
So today I want to talk about something that doesn’t get enough attention: the impact that the people around you have on the leader you’re becoming. Because it’s bigger than most of us realize.
Let’s dive in…
You become the average of the rooms you’re in
I’m sure you’ve heard the idea that you’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with. I think there’s a version of this that’s even more relevant for women in leadership: you become the average of the rooms you’re in.
If you’re consistently in rooms where you’re the most senior person, the most strategic thinker, or the one with the biggest goals, you’re not being challenged. You’re being affirmed. And affirmation feels great, but it doesn’t grow you.
I see this all the time with the women I work with. They’re strong leaders in their own organizations. They’re respected by their teams. They’re delivering results. But they’ve been in the same professional environment for so long that they’ve lost perspective on what’s possible for them. They’re too comfortable. They don’t know what they don’t know, because nobody around them is operating at a level that forces them to see it.
But I’ve also seen the flip side. Groups of people who level one another up and help each other grow. And the thing I’ve noticed is – these groups become the next generation of leaders and entrepreneurs. I don’t think this is a coincidence.
The real shift happens when you get into a room with women who are a few steps ahead of you or doing something that stretches your thinking. Suddenly, you realize that the way you’ve been approaching your career and your leadership is just one way. And there might be a better one.
It’s not just about advice, it’s about proximity
Here’s the thing that surprised me most when I finally found the right rooms. It wasn’t just the advice or the strategies I picked up (although those were hugely valuable). It was how being around those women changed the way I saw myself.
When you spend time with women who are confidently leading at the VP and C level, making big career moves and investing in their own growth without apologizing for it, something changes inside. You stop seeing that level as something that’s years away. You realize that it’s possible for you, too.
When I finally became a VP and started spending much more time with other VPs and C-level execs, and really getting to know them, I finally realized that the gap I thought existed between me and other execs was all in my head. And I know that if I’d had this epiphany years earlier, it would have been game-changing for me – because I would have understood how close I really was.
This is what I mean when I talk about the power of proximity. It’s not just networking – networking is exchanging business cards and connecting on LinkedIn. Proximity is being in a room where you can feel the energy and have real conversations that force you to level up. It’s the difference between knowing about someone’s success and having a deep conversation with them about it.
For women in leadership, this kind of proximity is rare. Most of us are used to being the only woman at the table, figuring things out on our own, and hoping we’re on the right track. We don’t have the built-in peer networks that many of our male counterparts do. So we have to create them intentionally.
The leader you’re becoming depends on who’s around you
I want you to think about the rooms you’re currently in. Not just your meetings at work, but the spaces where you’re growing, learning, and being challenged as a leader outside of work.
Are you in rooms where people push you to think bigger? Are you around women who are a few steps ahead of you and willing to share what they’ve learned? Or are you mostly figuring it out on your own, surrounded by people who are great but can’t relate to where you’re trying to go?
If the honest answer is that you’ve been on your own island for a while, this is your sign that it’s time to change that. Not because there’s anything wrong with the people around you, but because the next version of you needs to be shaped by people who are already there.
I’ve seen it happen so many times with the women I know. They step into a room of ambitious women who are on a similar path, and within weeks, their confidence shifts, their thinking shifts, and as a result, the way they show up at work shifts. And it’s not because someone gave them a magic formula, but because proximity did what years of grinding on their own never could.
Own the Room: October 23rd in Ottawa
This is exactly why I created Own the Room. On October 23rd, I’m bringing together 100 ambitious women in Ottawa for a full day of leadership, strategy, and connection. This isn’t a conference where you sit and listen to speakers all day. It’s a room designed to create exactly the kind of proximity I’m talking about.
You’ll be surrounded by women at your level who are working through the same challenges you are. Women who get it. Last year, the thing I heard most from attendees wasn’t about the frameworks or the content (although they loved that too). It was, “I found my people.”
Early bird pricing ends June 30th, so if you’ve been on the fence, now’s the time.
Until next time friends… ✌️💜
Katy
