Most of the women I meet are doing the wrong things to get promoted, and even doing things that they don’t realize are blocking that promotion!
If this is you, it might look like: Working harder than everyone else, producing results, being liked by your team, and still not being seen as ready for the next level.
I’ve worked with enough high-performing women to know that the problem is almost never effort. You’re already working hard. And you’re already highly competent. The problem is often a set of behaviours that signal to leadership, whether you intend it or not, that you’re not quite ready for the next level.
And the frustrating part is that most of these behaviours feel completely reasonable and justifiable in the moment. But that doesn’t mean they’re serving you.
In today’s newsletter, I want to break down the 5 behaviours I see most often that are blocking your promotion without you realizing it, and what to do instead.
Let’s dive in…
1. Complaining
I get it. Work is hard. Leadership makes decisions that don’t always make sense. Sometimes you just need to vent.
But here’s the thing: venting to your boss is one of the fastest ways to damage how they see you.
When you bring a problem without a path forward, you signal that you’re a reactor, not a leader. And leaders get promoted, reactors don’t.
This may be something you don’t even recognize that you’re doing, but (especially if you have a great relationship with your manager), I encourage you to take notice of how your conversations sound. Even if you feel as though you can confide in this person, it does not mean it’s not hurting your career progression.
The good news is that this is an easy one that you can just stop doing today.
Instead of: Surfacing a problem and expressing frustration
You: Come prepared with the risks, your recommended solution, and the trade-offs involved
This reframe does two things: it positions you as someone who thinks at the next level, and it makes your manager’s job easier. Both of those things work in your favour.
2. Gossiping
This may be blunt, but I’ll say it anyway: gossip will kill your career.
I don’t care how talented you are – if you’re seen as someone who talks about colleagues, undermines peers, or creates drama, leadership will not promote you. Not because they don’t like you, but because they can’t trust you with a team. Culture is a leadership responsibility, and gossipers are seen as a threat to it.
I remember working with a young woman who was incredibly bright, hard-working and ambitious, but she was also the first to gossip in the office. And in case you’re wondering, yes, even if it’s just with 1 or 2 colleagues, it counts.
If you need to vent or share the challenges you’re having with your boss or colleague (and you probably will at some point), do it at home or in a confidential peer group with people who have no connection to your workplace. That’s a safe container. Your office is not.
Save your challenges for people who can actually help you solve them. And if you’re feeling frustrated with someone in the office, address it with them directly instead of telling others.
3. Escalating
There is a version of escalating that is completely appropriate: when something is genuinely above your scope, outside your authority, or needs executive awareness. That’s good judgment.
But there’s another kind of escalating I see all the time, which is bringing your boss a problem that you actually have the authority and/or capability to solve yourself.
Every time you do this unnecessarily, you send a signal: I need to be managed more than I should at this level.
Before you escalate, ask yourself: “Could I own or handle this?” If the answer is yes, own it. Make a call. Take responsibility. That’s what executives do, and it’s how you can demonstrate that you’re operating at that next level – they take ownership, they don’t pass it up.
If you’re worried about your boss being out of the loop, fill them in after the fact or share your plan for handling the situation. This is very different from asking them to solve it.
Remember that leadership is watching to see if you can handle complexity without hand-holding. Give them evidence that you can.
4. Deferring
This one is similar to escalating, but subtler. Deferring is when you consistently step back and let someone else take the lead, even when you’re the most capable person in the room.
Sometimes you do this because you don’t want to overstep. Maybe you’re waiting to be invited to step up. Or maybe it just feels easier.
But if this is something that’s happening consistently, your manager will see someone who isn’t ready to lead at the next level.
The next time you’re in a situation where a decision needs to be made or a project needs an owner, step forward. You don’t have to be aggressive about it. You can be collaborative and still lead. In fact, that’s the ideal.
Start noticing the moments where you defer, and ask yourself: “Is this actually someone else’s call, or am I playing small?”
5. Transactional Thinking
I struggled to find the right word for this one, but here’s what this looks like in practice: your manager asks if you’d be willing to take on more responsibility, team members or a bigger project on top of your current workload. Instead of leading with enthusiasm, you immediately go to the extra work it will create. You list the challenges. You explain why it’s a lot. You hesitate.
And your manager walks away thinking: She’s not ready.
When someone is offering you more scope, they are giving you a gift. It’s a signal that they see your potential and want to invest in it. Your job is to receive it well – and then have a practical conversation about what you’ll need to make it work.
Meaning, you don’t have to take on the extra scope and then put in 20 additional hours per week. You should take it on with the right resources to ensure everyone is successful, but you need to reframe the way you’re looking at this opportunity. Instead of just thinking about the work or whether you’re getting a raise to go along with it, see it as a strategic career opportunity that you can leverage for that next raise or role.
Instead of: “That’s a lot. I’m not sure how I’d manage that on top of everything else.”
Try: “I love this. I’d be excited to take that on. To do it well, I’ll need [resource/headcount/timeline]. Can we align on that?”
Completely different impression.
Next steps
Consider which of these 5 behaviours you’re engaging in today, and what it could look like to shift to a more strategic approach. Often, this comes down to becoming more intentional about the way we are showing up.
And here’s what I want you to notice: none of these are about working harder. They’re all about how you show up, how you communicate, and whether leadership sees someone who’s ready to step up.
If you’re ready to go deeper on what it actually takes to be seen as executive material and get the promotion you’ve been working toward, I’d love to invite you to book a free strategy call to learn more about how I can help.
Until next time friends… ✌️💜
Katy
