I’ve had great managers and terrible managers. I’ve had a manager who just didn’t like me and there was nothing I could do about it. And I’ve had managers who I’ve gotten along with amazingly, created shared goals with, and both won as a result.
So I’ve been on both sides.
I can also admit that in some cases, I felt as though my manager was being hard on me or I was being micromanaged, and probably could have done a better job at communicating and strengthening that relationship.
I’m sharing this because if you look at the internet today, you’ll find dozens of posts about ‘toxic’ bosses. They often go viral. Heck, I’ve written about this and gone viral! But I think that sometimes we like to call a boss toxic because we aren’t getting what we want or being valued in the way we should, not because they’re toxic. Truthfully, I think “toxic bosses” are being overblown.
So today’s newsletter is for you if you want to improve your relationship with your manager and turn them into a champion.
Now to be clear, if you actually have a toxic boss – meaning they use manipulation, pit people against each other, threaten their employees and engage in other behaviour that feels psychologically unsafe and may be impacting your mental health – these suggestions won’t solve that. In that case, I recommend you find a new job asap and get out of there.
But if you have a manager who is tough but fair, and who you want to build a better relationship with, that’s where I can help.
Today I’m going to break down three strategies you can use to improve your relationship with your manager, make their life easier and increase the chances that you are valued and promoted.
Let’s dive in…
1. Create better transparency
This may be one of the #1 recommendations that I make for improving the relationship with your manager, and that is to increase transparency. If you’re feeling frustrated that your boss is micromanaging you, this is especially important because my philosophy is that it’s really hard to micromanage someone who overcommunicates.
As a plus, when you do this, you’re also increasing visibility into the impact you’re creating, which is going to help you career-wise. And the way to do it is simple:
Start proactively sending regular updates to your manager. In writing.
I can almost guarantee that your manager will appreciate this, as long as you are sending the right stuff.
What not to send: a laundry list of every task you completed this week. I hate to break it to you, but this is just you doing your job. No one cares.
Even if you’re being micromanaged, it’s almost always that your manager is doubting your judgment, not the actual output. And given how busy everyone is, you want anything you send to be of high value.
What to send: key decisions you made, the thinking behind those decisions and tradeoffs that you considered, blockers you’ve identified, your recommended path forward and risks or opportunities that you see coming down the pipe.
This is all high value information that will:
- Help your manager stay on top of what’s coming
- Help them communicate more effectively up the chain
- Demonstrate your value as a strategic leader
I recommend that this be in the form of a weekly update sent on a Monday or Friday.
2. Speak their language
A lot of “not being seen” comes down to speaking in your own priorities instead of your manager’s. If you can connect your work directly to the metric or outcome your boss is accountable for, your value becomes obvious to them without you having to argue for it.
When it comes to sharing your wins, translate them into what your manager is measured on: think high-level KPIs, ROI or department-level metrics vs. using only your own KPIs. Demonstrating broader impact on the business will help your manager see the value you’re bringing and will also position you as a more strategic leader.
Scenario: You redesigned the onboarding process for new hires on your team.
What not to say: “We rolled out a new onboarding checklist and cut ramp time for new hires from six weeks to four.”
That’s true and it’s good work, but it’s scoped to your team.
What to say instead: “The onboarding change means the 12 hires we’re bringing on this half will hit full productivity two weeks sooner, which is about $180K in recovered output. This will enable us to hit the hiring plan you committed to leadership without sacrificing Q4 goals.”
3. Ask before they ask
I’m talking about asking for feedback 1. before they have to give it to you and 2. with enough notice that they can think through what to share.
Let me break both of these down:
First, don’t wait for your manager to give you constructive feedback or to engage you with suggested improvements. Instead, create a process where you’re asking for regular feedback from them and ways you can get better.
Not only will this give you the cheat code to better performance reviews, but it will also communicate to your manager that you care about growth and want to continue levelling up.
Second, don’t ask your manager for feedback on the spot. As a leader who’s had this happen to me a number of times, I can completely understand why this results in unhelpful feedback! Sometimes as a leader, you need time to think. They may also need context for the feedback.
What not to say: Don’t end a meeting by saying, “Any feedback for me?”
Instead, let your manager know a few days before your 1:1 that you’ll be asking for feedback, and explain why.
What to say instead: “As you know, I’ve been working towards a VP role. On Thursday, I’d love to get your feedback on how I’m progressing with the initiatives we had mapped out, and where I can improve.”
Now the feedback is specific and in relation to a promotion, plus you’ve given your manager a few days to put it together. Much better for both of you!
Try these three approaches and notice how your manager’s behaviour changes. When they are getting the value from you that they need, you will be seen in a new light.
Until next time friends… ✌️💜
Katy
