One of my least favourite pieces of advice I hear given to women is this:

“Just advocate for yourself!”

What?

This is not helpful.

And I recognize that it comes from a good place. We see women (like you) working hard with their heads down, and not getting the credit they deserve for their work. And we want you to get that recognition!

In last week’s newsletter, I broke down some of the key mistakes you may be making when trying to create visibility into your work and wins. But I recognize that for many of you, the biggest issue is that you aren’t doing this at all.

And telling women to “just advocate for yourself” is kinda bullshit, because it ignores how deeply rooted these behaviours are, as well as the reality of our workplace today…

So in today’s newsletter, I’m going to dive into this very thing:

The three key reasons that as a woman, you struggle to advocate for yourself:

  • Conditioning
  • Bias in the workplace
  • Lack of system/process

I’ll break these down and share a next step that you can take to finally start advocating for yourself and getting the recognition you deserve, in a way that feels good.

Let’s dive in…

It starts early

You may not even realize how deep some of this runs. The truth is, part of the reason you struggle to advocate for yourself comes from the messaging you received growing up. The messages about being quiet and good. The times you were told not to make a fuss, to be easy-going, remain humble and not ‘brag’.

Complying with these messages made you easy to deal with as a child, but also taught you not to speak up for yourself.

As a result, we’ve created a generation of women who are ‘easy’ to work with, never complain, and rarely get the recognition they deserve.

Let’s be honest, this ‘good girl’ conditioning may have gotten you straight A’s on your report card and earned you praise throughout school, but it doesn’t get you very far in the workplace.

Not wanting to ‘bother’ your boss by bringing up an issue or worrying about looking like a ‘bragger’ if you share a win you’re proud of? It’s probably rooted right here.

Don’t get me wrong, this can take some time to work through, but recognizing it may just be the insight you need to do something about it.

The bias is real

Even if you were one of the lucky girls who grew up bold, bossy and willing to go after what you want, there’s another layer that gets added when you enter the workforce: bias.

Often, this bias is completely subconscious, but women are intuitive, and we can feel it, which impacts our willingness to speak up for ourselves.

When you start to negotiate that raise and get a ‘vibe’ that you’re putting off your boss…

When you bring up the promotion you’ve been working towards and sense the awkwardness in the room…

When you ask for feedback about moving into senior leadership and get some vague response about executive presence…

You may be experiencing real bias at play. And your boss may not even know they’re doing it!

Here’s the hard truth: both men and women are conditioned to see women as selfless nurturers who put everyone else first. When you’re instead seen as ambitious and assertive, it can make people feel uncomfortable.

This is important to recognize, but it doesn’t have to hold you back from getting what you want.

No one has taught you ‘how’

The third reason you struggle to advocate for yourself is simple: no one has taught you how to advocate for yourself in a professional setting.

The reality is that once you know how to do this, you can combat the first two challenges! But when the advice we’re receiving is ‘just start advocating for yourself,’ it’s not enough. You need the steps. You need the structure. AND you need to make a crucial mindset shift: You’re allowed to (and should) advocate for yourself.

Think about it, without a process, you’re forced to bring up that (awkward) conversation with your boss about your promotion, and then when he half-brushes it off with vague feedback and a promise to revisit later in the year, you’re forced to bring up that same (awkward) conversation again later!

Not only that, when no one has taught you a framework for sharing your wins, they can come across as a little braggy or, well, awkward!

Having the right process and framework is the easiest way to advocate for yourself in a way that not only works and combats bias, but also feels good to you. Because sharing your progress, wins, and goals doesn’t have to feel icky, it can feel really great.

This takes a little practice, but it’s actually pretty simple and 100% learnable.

If you want to learn how to effectively create visibility into your wins and career goals, and be recognized for your impact, I want to invite you to the upcoming workshop:​ ​From Invisible To Influential – My 4 Step Recognition System​.

This is a brand-new workshop happening Monday, Nov. 17th and costs only $27. I’m doing it only once, but there will be a replay available if you sign up and don’t make it live (however, it will be MUCH better live!). Plus, when you sign up, you’ll receive my newly updated Executive Toolkit (value $97) for FREE, which includes some of the templates we’ll work through together in the workshop and some extras to help you show up with more impact as a leader.

We’ll be going through 4 different exercises together, so come ready to work and leave ready to tackle this head-on.

Sign up here:

Until next time friends… ✌️💜

Katy