You can be doing really well on paper and still feel like something is missing.
You’re hitting goals.
You’re making progress.
You’re moving forward in your career.
Heck, maybe you’re in a job you never would have imagined, making more money than 25-year-old you could have dreamed of.
But you’re not necessarily enjoying it.
This is something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately, because if I’m being honest, I can see this pattern in myself too.
Recently, my business turned 4, and not long before that, I also became part of the 2% club, meaning the business now generates 7-figures in revenue (which only 2% of women-owned businesses ever do).
I’ve been working towards this goal for 3 out of the 4 years I’ve had my business. There have been ups and downs, years with essentially $0 profit and times I’ve had to put my own money into the business to help fuel our growth. To say it’s been a lot of work is an understatement.
But then… the day came and went. No celebration. No reward. Just on to the next big goal.
And I wish I could say this was an isolated incident, but the truth is, we often roll right past the big goals we’ve been working towards without stopping to really celebrate ourselves. And by doing this, we’re robbing ourselves of the joy we deserve!
So in today’s newsletter, I want to switch gears a little from the usual topics around promotions, visibility and raises. Why? Because I suspect that many of you reading this will relate.
Many of the women I work with are ambitious overachievers. You are what many would call strivers. And today I’m going to share why many ‘strivers’ struggle to enjoy their success. I’m also going to give you a few tips on how to balance the scales.
Let’s dive in…
The trouble with striving
There’s a ongoing joke in our house about my lack of flexibility. If we’re on vacation, I’m looking up the nearest gym to maintain my 5x weekly workout regimen. You’d better hope there’s a smoothie shop nearby or a blender at our Airbnb, because if I can’t have my healthy morning smoothie, I will not be happy.
And work is no different – we set big goals, and then we do what it takes to achieve them.
Let’s just say I’m a bit of a stickler, and I recognize that this is part of what has made me successful. But I have to admit, it’s not always a very fun way to live.
A little while ago, I was at a retreat where I was reflecting on all things business and life (as I do when I get away from the day-to-day), and I had a sort of epiphany… what is my goal in all of this rigidity? Am I just trying to die ‘perfect’??
This idea came back up for me recently when I was listening to the Rich Roll podcast episode with Arthur Brooks, where he talked about the three “macronutrients” of happiness:
Meaning
Satisfaction
Enjoyment
And what really hit home for me is this:
A lot of high-achieving people, what he calls strivers, are very good at the first two.
We have meaning. We care about our work. We want to build something meaningful in our careers and our lives.
We also experience significant satisfaction. We set goals, we hit them, we move forward.
But enjoyment is often the missing one. And I see this both in myself and all the time with the women I work with.
If you’re someone who is always thinking about what’s next, who feels uncomfortable when you’re not being productive, who achieves something and then immediately raises the bar again… there’s a good chance you identify as a striver.
And that’s not a bad thing. In fact, it’s probably a big part of why you’re successful!
But striving, on its own, doesn’t create happiness, and in some cases, it actually takes away from it. You end up in this constant loop:
Achieve → next goal → achieve → next goal
Without ever fully experiencing the moment you’re in. And over time, that can start to feel… a bit empty.
Enter the concept of surrender
I’ve also been hearing more about this idea of surrender.
Not in a passive, “give up” kind of way, but in the sense of allowing yourself to be present. Allowing things to be enough. Allowing yourself to actually experience your life as it’s happening, instead of constantly optimizing for what’s next.
And I think this is where a lot of high-achieving women (including me) struggle. Because surrender can feel like losing your edge.
It can feel like falling behind. It can feel like you’re not being ambitious enough. It can almost feel indulgent because we are wired to think we’re never allowed to rest. When that’s not what it is at all.
Surrender is not the opposite of ambition.
It’s what allows you to actually enjoy the life you’re building.
You can still want more. You can still go after big goals. But you don’t have to be in a constant state of striving to get there.
Here are a few small ways to start
Okay, so if you’ve identified as a striver and want a little more enjoyment and presence in your life, how on earth do you get started?
For many of you, this is going to require a bit of a mindset shift. Meaning, you don’t have to shift what you’re doing, but you probably do have to shift how you’re experiencing it.
First, close the loop on your wins.
Most strivers never do this. You achieve something and immediately move on to the next thing.
Instead, take a moment to actually acknowledge what you did, what it required, and what it means. Let it land, even if it’s brief. Maybe do a quick journal reflection or share your win with someone who loves to celebrate you (we do this all the time in our Own Your Seat community!!).
Second, create intentional “off” moments.
Not scrolling. Not a distraction from life. Actual presence.
Even ten minutes where you’re not optimizing, producing, or thinking about what’s next.
I’ve started intentionally letting myself sleep in one day a week, and just sitting in bed for a little bit after I wake up before going downstairs to grab a coffee. It feels so indulgent in the best way.
Third, notice the “I’ll feel better when…” pattern.
- “I’ll relax after this project.”
- “I’ll feel better once I get the promotion.”
- “I’ll finally be present once I’ve hit X salary.”
That finish line keeps moving. Catching that pattern is the first step to changing it.
Fourth, expand how you define productivity.
Not everything valuable looks productive.
Thinking, reflecting, enjoying your life – these things matter more than you think, especially if you want to sustain your success long term. Every time I get out of my day-to-day routine (usually for some work retreat), I gain insights I never would otherwise. I feel more grateful for and in my life. Time and space for yourself is invaluable.
Here’s why this matters for ambitious women
If you’re wondering why I’m devoting a whole newsletter to this, when all you want from me are tips on career advancement, here’s why this matters in the context of your career:
The leaders who move up, and stay there successfully, are not just high-performing.
They’re grounded. They’re present. They’re not operating from constant urgency or pressure.
I’ve spoken many times about the importance of being proactive, remaining even keeled and even having a level of healthy detachment. This is exactly how to achieve these things.
Because this changes how you show up. It changes how you make decisions. And of course, it changes how others experience you.
So to sum it all up: You don’t need to stop striving! But you may need to stop doing it all the time.
Because the goal isn’t just to build an incredible career.
It’s to actually experience it while you’re doing it.
Until next time friends… ✌️💜
Katy
